Nowhere to Run

[Free]

He picked up on the first ring.

“Sunshine, Babe. It’s been too long. What can I do for you?” Jase voice was all laughter. Maybe this was a bad idea.

“I need a favor,” Desiree said. Her eyes scanned the road.

“Must be serious. You didn’t comment on the nickname.”

“I don’t have times for games, Vice.” Her tone was aggressive.

“Vice? Now you’re hurting my feelings.”

“You don’t have feelings. It’s my favorite thing about you.”

“Damn straight.” He laughed.

“I need something hard.”

Jase laughed. "I can make some arrangements. Thought you were taken."

"Not that, perv."

Jase laughed again. “The fact that you don’t know what to ask for is proof you don’t need it.”

“You are the great sommelier of this kind of thing, I trust your judgment.” Desiree grimaced. Did anyone actually talk like this?

“I know. I’m awesome, but we both know you’re way too smart to get mixed up in trash.”

“What does that make you?”

“Entrepreneurial.”

“Garbage man. I didn’t call you for a lecture. Can you get it or not?”

“Can I? Absolutely. Will I? Not if you paid ten times street value.”

“You’re a terrible negotiator. Fifteen times?”

“No.”

“One hundred times?”

“Desiree, I was serious.”

“You have lousy customer service.”

“Thank you. It's something I take great pride in. It's all about word of mouth.” He paused. “What happened?”

“Nothing.” She considered hanging up on him. This was the last thing she wanted to talk about.

“Like hell it did. But fine, don’t tell me. You should talk to someone though. I’ve heard Logan’s a great listener, for the right person.” When she didn’t respond, he said, “Wait. Did my favorite couple break up?”

“We were never a couple.”

“Oh please, you guys made me believe in love.”

“Like you and Melanie?” She clenched her jaw. It had been over six months since she’d spoken his name, let alone talked to him.

“Touched a nerve.”

“Jase, you’re the worst,” she said, narrowly avoiding a collision with the car in front of her.

“Another thing you love about me. There’s a party tonight. You should come.”

“Not interested unless you have you what I want.”

“I wasn’t asking. You will show up, if I have to pick you up myself.”

“Fine.” She sighed.

“Don’t worry, there’s alcohol, your favorite.”

“Whatever.”

“Pick you up at 8:30. Wear something nice for me.”

“Okay.”

“Geez. You are taking all the fun out of this. See you at 8:00.”

Desiree hung up. That could not have gone worse. She should have asked someone else, anyone else. Except she didn’t know anyone else with his connections. Maybe that’s just what she’d been telling herself. Maybe she wanted it to be him.

She pulled off the freeway and into a parking lot. She gripped the steering wheel until her fingers turned white. She grateful she hadn’t bothered to put the top up on her favorite convertible so no one could see her. She swallowed back all the emotions she’d been avoiding for months and pulled back onto the road.

[483]

[Free]

The Storm estate was 25 minutes from downtown and only 10 minutes from the nearest grocery store, but you were still hard pressed to see find it by accident. There were a lot of trees and the neighbors were far apart. There were also a lot of memories, which is why she hadn’t been since the day after the last time she’d seen Logan.

Desiree’s new apartment was in the second nicest part of town, near the river. Few apartments could rival the view, but that was only part of the reason she’d chosen it.

Lying on the couch in a tank and leggings, Desiree considered locking the door. It was 7:36 and she could feel the minutes passing by. Not that a lock had ever slowed Jase down. This is a bad idea. On the TV, Jake, from Brooklyn-99 was regretting his recent decision to trust the Pontiac bandit. I never should have called him.

“Miss me?” His breath was hot on her neck, but her fist caught air.

“Nice try, Princess.” Jase jumped over to her side of the couch. “Go change. I said we were going to a party, not a sleepover.”

It was one of those moments were you kind of exist in two parts: the person living in your body and a dispassionate observer, watching it all happen. She could see them sitting on the couch together. She could hear him laughing. It was a moment like a hundred others, that if she wanted to, she could step inside, but there was this also hollowness she’d only known a few other times before. This time, she had no one to take it away.

He picked her up, threw her over his shoulder and walked her back to her bedroom.

“Ow. Your shoulder is bony.” It would have been easy to make him put her down, but that would mean jeopardizing her relationship with one of the few people still talking to her.

“My shoulder is ripped. It is a giant cushion.” He dropped her in front of her closet. “You have five minutes to get party ready, while I finish up some business.”

She heard his soft footsteps on her oversized bedroom rug, then on the hardwood.

“How can you even be in business when you’re turning away one of the richest potential clients in the city?” she called after him. She heard him close her door.

It would have been a waste of time to tell him only college boys could get “party ready” in five minutes. Her phone buzzed in her pocket. Her heart jumped into her throat.

Jase: Less staring and more moving.

She grabbed something black from her collection of short party dresses. She put it on. Staring in her mirror, it suddenly all sounded like too much work. Getting ready. Driving. Hanging around people she didn’t care if she ever saw again. She walked into her kitchen and put popcorn in the microwave.

Jase came up behind her with a brush. It was evident from his technique, that he had probably never brushed his own hair, but she let him.

“Normally, I love girls that just go along with anything, but you’re ruining my party mood.”

“I didn’t ask you to come here.” It came out more aggressive than she’d intended.

They both look at each other. It was obvious he’d run out of things to say, which normally would have been a win.

“Okay fine, I guess we’re going with our hair looking like…something a kindergarten made at recess.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything, but your hair could really use–“ Desiree started.

“And that is the Desire I know. Now, stop doing everything I say and get in the car.”

Desiree walked over and sat on the couch.

“That’s on me.” He reached down to pick her up, but she waved him off.

“This dress is too short for you to carry me. You should have thought of that before you insisted I change.”

“Okay, fine.” He walked back across the living room, through the hall and slammed her front door behind him.

Desiree sighed. The silence was deafening now. She brushed her hair, grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

Jase was leaning against the elevator, smirking. “I knew my girl wouldn’t keep me waiting.”

“I’m not your girl.”

He pursed his lips like he wanted to say something, but instead just pushed the elevator button.

“She’s back,” he said, putting an arm around her.

[751]

[Free]

The drive had been quiet. They’d taken an Uber Lux so neither of them had to worry about being sober. Desiree was as grateful for the quiet as she was to have the company. She still wasn’t sold on the idea of going out, but maybe it would be good to do something normal.

Music blasted from nearly invisible wall-mounted speakers. Desiree and Jase passed through the entryway, with its large, curving staircase. Desiree hadn’t been here before, but it was obvious, from all the hugs and kisses Jase was getting, that he was a regular with this crowd.

Desiree scanned the room. There were guys doing shots and people dancing. One guy was talking to a bored-looking girl in a corner. She realized too late that she was looking for someone who wouldn’t be here.

Jase grabbed her elbow and pulled her toward the built-in bar. She couldn’t hear what he ordered and she didn’t care. He handed her something and she drained the glass. Jase said something, but she couldn’t hear him. She ordered a few shots, downed them and walked toward the dance floor.

Her eyes followed the movements of the people having a good time. She waited for the alcohol to hit her. Jase stood behind her. His expression held concern, which was not something she wanted. She forced a smile to her face and started dancing. He joined in for a while, but then disappeared into the crowd.

When Jase left, Desiree stopped dancing. Instead of helping her blend into the party and have a good time, the alcohol was making her feel more and more like she was watching someone else’s life. She grabbed another drink and walked out to the patio by the pool. Since it was too cold for swimming, the patio was deserted.

She took off her heels and sat on the far edge of the pool and watched what she could see of the party through the house’s many floor-to-ceiling windows. It wasn’t any better out here.

“Theeeeere you areee!” Jase dropped down next to her.

“Where did you come from?” She forced a laugh.

He held his finger to his lips. “Ssshhhh! It’s a secret!” He laughed.

Jase’s hair was in greater disarray than when they’d arrived. She didn’t have to guess what he’d been up to. Maybe that’s what she needed too.

“But…. I’ll tell you this much… I wasn’t alone.” He winked at her.

She laughed.

He stood and pulled her to her feet.

“You can’t enjoy the party from out here!”

She didn’t really want to go back inside, but she found herself climbing on Jase’s back and he careened toward the house. Something melted and she found herself smiling. They each got shots of Fireball. He won fastest person to down them. She insisted on a rematch, which she won.

They danced. This time, he didn’t leave. She started to feel more like herself, like things could be okay. Jase grabbed her around the middle and lifted her into the air and swung her around. He almost fell in the process, but it was the most free she’d felt all night.

As he set her back down, she noticed a familiar profile over by the bar. Logan.

”I don’t know what I did to piss you off so much, but don’t take it out on Brooklyn.” That was the last thing he’d said to her. The very last thing. The memory of it played on a loop as she watched him order a drink, put his arm around some girl she didn’t know.

Then there was this feeling she’d never in life experienced before. It started in her heart and sunk into her stomach. She’d never had to jealous of anyone before. She was it.

Jase turned her to face him and whispered, “Maybe you guys can make u–”

She walked toward the front door. He followed her.

Outside, he said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know he’d be here.”

“Take me home.” Was she grateful he'd been too busy to notice her? She sunk to the ground.

Jase put in the request for Uber. She stared down the driveway, unable to block out the memories cascading down on her. She never should have come.

[711]

[Free]

The young woman in the front seat had tried numerous unsuccessful attempts to engage them in conversation, before turning her music up a little.

Six months gone and I'm still reaching
Even though I know you're not there
I was playing back a thousand memories, baby
Thinking 'bout everything we've been through
Maybe I've been going back too much lately
When time stood still and I had you

Come back, come back, come back to me like
You would, you would if this was a movie
Stand in the rain outside 'til I came out
Come back, come back, come back to me like
You could, you could if you just said you're sorry
I know that we could work it out somehow

“Turn it off,” she rasped.

The driver immediately shut off the radio.

The tears she’d been swallowing back started falling. She turned toward the window so Jase wouldn't see.

“You know, Dez, for what it’s worth, I don’t think Logan¬–”

Desiree turned to Jase and pressed her lips to his so he couldn’t finish his sentence. He kissed her back. She increased the intensity.

The driver coughed. “So…um…do you guys care if we get on the freeway?”

Desiree ignored her.

“Um…listen, I don’t mean to be a party pooper, but you’re really not allowed to do that in here…” She sounded uncomfortable.

Desiree pulled away from Jase and turned back toward the window. They should have taken her driver. He knew how to mind his own business.

Jase walked her up to her apartment. Dim light illuminated most parts of her open concept kitchen/living room.

She turned toward him and leaned in. He wrapped his arms around her. She pulled off his shirt. He closed his eyes.

“Dez, I don’t think–“

“I’m not asking you to.” She started kissing a line down his stomach, but she got to his bully button, he pushed her away from him by the shoulders. He was breathing heavily.

“I’m not who you want,” he said.

“You are right now.” She pressed closer to him.

“As flattering as that is–” he said, pushing her back.

“Get out.”

“Dez–”

“OUT.”

“Fine!”

She watched him walk away, his shirt in hand. When her front door closed behind him, she sank into the couch. Part of her wished she hadn’t kicked him out. It was sooo empty here all the time. Part of her was glad he was gone so nobody could see if she fell apart.

She walked into the kitchen and poured herself another drink. Is there enough alcohol in the world to make me forget everything?

She drank. She put the bottle back. She drank PowerAde. Lots of it.

She let herself fall back onto the couch. She turned the tv on. She didn’t care what was on, just something, anything, so she wasn’t so alone.

~~

“You okay?” His tone was condescending. At least, that’s how it sounded when rolled onto her back, eyes still closed and pressed the phone to her ear.

Desiree was temped to hang up. She did not do talking or music or anything else before coffee. The only reason she’d answered in the first place was delusional.

“I’m not your problem. You don’t have to ask that.” She realized she was still on the couch. Nobody had carried her to bed.

“Look, babysitting isn’t really my brand, but we’ve known each other a long time–”

“Hanging up now.”

“I’m trying to say I care about you. Why do you have to make everything so difficult?”

“Ew! It’s too early for mushy.”

“How about breakfast?”

Desiree glanced at the clock on her cable box. “Oh god. It’s morning? How are you awake right now?”

“I’m a business man–“

“Garbage man–“

“–Which means I look out for my clients, some of which are up at 3…at least in this time zone.”

“Wait. You left at like 1:30. Does that mean you never stopped working?”

“I took a power nap.”

“Did that nap contain amphetamines?”

“Always.”

She laughed. “My dad would love your work ethic. With meth on your side, you’d be all productivity, no need for sleep or lunch breaks.”

“What can I say? I love sunshine. Dad’s love me.” He laughed. “Where did we land on breakfast? Or would it make you feel better if I called it ‘brunch?’”

“You can’t call anything ‘brunch’ at 7:45 in the morning. Good night, Jase.”

Desiree hung up and threw her phone onto the coffee table.

[758]

[Free]

In some ways, being the owner’s daughter sucked. Everyone immediately imagined you were useless and hated you because they assumed your life was easier than theirs. In other ways, it was awesome. No one could say anything about how much work she’d been missing lately or how all of her projects had needed to be reassigned at the last minute.

Sunlight streamed through the wall-to-ceiling windows. The building overlooked a park, but at this height, all you could see was blue and some buildings off in the distance. She sighed. She’d been reading the same sentence for the last ten minutes and still had no idea what it was about. Why am I here?

After graduation, she’d been excited to start working at her dad’s company, eager to enter his world and see if what people said about how useless college is was true. Now, she didn’t care about reviewing real estate holdings or approving marketing plans. Everything seemed pointless. In the general sense, and in the specific, what-are-we-actually-doing-here-anyway sense. You spend your life running on this thing that you used to call your life until you realized it was a treadmill. Why? What does it matter?

She wasn’t sure why she’d expected to see her father more often working at his company than she had during her childhood, but she was mistaken. He was just as infrequently in this building as he had been at home.

She opened the door to her office glass cage and walked toward her father’s office. She was vaguely aware of the conversational silence that followed her throughout the building, aware of the frantic typing and efforts made to “look busy” as she passed.

When she got on the elevator, a handsome young man about her age was there. His hair was dark, his skin tanned and he was tall. She reached for the button to her dad’s floor, but it was already lit. She glanced at the guy standing next to her. He was wearing a gray Armani suit. This was not one of the office drones.

He waited for her to get off the elevator first, then proceeded to follow her, turn-for-turn toward her father’s office. When they arrived at his secretary’s desk, Desiree was surprised that the secretary only glanced up as they passed. She knew Desiree, but maybe she thought this guy was coming with her?

“You can go in first,” he said, opening the door for her.

Her father looked up from his computer when the door opened and the color drained from his face. His eyes danced between the two of them. The young man she’d met in the elevator lingered by the door. Weirdo. Go eavesdropped on someone else. Don’t you know who I am?

“I’m sorry, Desi. I promise I had every intention of telling you,” her father said.

Of telling me what?

Desiree looked from the young man, standing awkwardly in the doorway to her father.

“Rayburn, please close the door and come here,” her dad said.

Rayburn was her father’s name. Is he having a stroke?

“Listen, I need to talk to my dad. Can you give us a minute?” She hoped that throwing her relationship out there would make him go away. Quickly. But he just stood there.

“Desiree?”

Desiree watched this stranger in his Armani suit suddenly turn into the little boy who used to race her across the yard, give her indian burns and get her to play pranks on their parents…before.

“Ace?”

A smile broke across his face. He moved toward her, reached out to envelope her in a hug, but she withdrew.

He dropped his hands to his side. His posture stiffened.

“How long have you worked here?” She looked from her father to her brother.

“Only about a year, when Dad reached out to me–“

She used long strides to close the distance between her and the door in as short a time as possible.

“Desiree, come back here!” Her father’s tone held a warning, but she ignored it.

She yanked the door open and kept walking, taking comfort in the fact that her dad would never chase her.

She jabbed the elevator button with so much force, her finger hurt, but she didn’t care.

Behind her, Ace called out, “Hey Desiree, wait! I didn’t know he didn’t tell you.”

She pressed the button several times in quick succession, but the doors didn’t open. She headed for the stairs. She expected to hear his footsteps following hers down the million stairs between her and ground level, but when the heavy stairway door closed, it was quiet.

How could Dad do this? How could he not tell me he’d reconnected with Ace? Was he talking to Mom? Desiree swallowed hard, realizing that while her dad had obviously wanted Ace in his life, her mom obviously hadn’t. That hurt, thinking about the mother who’d abandoned her. Who was she kidding? She’d been abandoned by both parents.

[827]

[Free]

Changing the furniture in your life is easy as easy as buying a plane ticket and renting a new apartment. Making structural changes is different. That takes time and commitment. While she hadn’t called or returned any texts in so long she was beginning to wonder if she even remember his voice, he was the only person she wanted to talk to right now.

She didn’t remember driving there, but she still found herself parked about a block away from the LeBeau estate, only a few miles from her own. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She buried her head in the steering wheel.

The worst part was the irony. If they were still friends right now, this was the one thing she couldn’t tell him, the one conversation they could never have because he thought her mom and Ace were dead. It seemed stupid now, but when Logan had said his mom had died from an illness, it was a lot easier to tell him her mom was dead too than to air their dirty family secret. It had given them something in common and it wasn’t that far from the truth. She hadn’t seen her mom or brother in years. They may as well have been dead.

Her ringtone startled her. She picked up her phone. The caller ID held an unfamiliar number from New York. She’d discovered that her mom had moved there after everything by snooping through some of her father’s legal documents. She’d even found her mom’s address. It hadn’t mattered. She’d been too mad at her mom to reach out and too hurt that her mom hadn’t even tried.

She tried to imagine it was her mom after all these years, finally reaching out. More likely it was Ace. Ace’s absence had created a hole in her life that had been difficult to fill. Logan had done a pretty good job before he’d made his own space in her life, but she had no one now. Nothing had been Ace’s fault, like none of it was hers, but he was three years older than her. He could have found her when he turned 18, but he didn’t. He hadn’t wanted her either and calling now wasn’t going to fix that.

She pulled back onto the main road. She didn’t know where she was going, but she needed to keep moving.

~~

She found herself pulling into her family estate only a few minutes later. It looked the same as it ever had. The grounds were immaculate. Not a single leaf dotted the driveway.

She left her car out front. First, she went to her father’s office. In the bottom of his desk, under a stack of folders, almost as if it had been forgotten, there was a picture of the four of them at a resort in the mountains. The last time we were happy… It probably wasn’t true. There was a lot of stuff her parents had kept from their children, but that’s how she remembered it.

She put the picture back and rearranged the folders the way they’d been. Back in the hallway, she was struck by the emptiness of the house. It was so big, it could easily house twenty people and no one would have to share a room, but right now, it was dead silent.

She walked through the house, never stopping, but slowly meandering through the important rooms. Each one held too many memories that cascaded down on her.

Her brother’s 10th birthday party in the formal dining room because he’d invited 20 or so of closest friends to share his cake.

Jame’s birthday out by the pool, with Logan, Brooklyn and Westley. She and Logan told him could do anything he wanted, but he hadn’t wanted much attention. It was actually Brooklyn that insisted they even have a party.

In her room, there were fewer memories of the rest of her family. They rarely found their way in there, but there were lots of memories of Logan. Logan judging her taste in books. Logan and her in swimsuits in her oversized bathtub with the bubbles on, drinking champagne. Logan sending the night. That was one of the things she missed most. She’d been having trouble sleeping since she didn’t have him to hold her all night.

She collapsed onto her old bed. Everything was clean, like she’d never left. It was soft and warm. She cried until she fell asleep.

[789]

[Free]

Desiree woke to the smell of coffee. A large cup of it sat in a tray on top of her nightstand, next to one of her favorite breakfasts: waffles covered in strawberries, whipped cream and syrup.

Levi, you’re a wizard. She smiled. How he always seemed to know when she was here and when she wasn’t and exactly the right thing to do, ever so discretely, was the mystery of her life. Who knows. Maybe it wasn’t magic. Maybe he just made breakfast for her every day, in the off chance she was. She chuckled at the idea of him making breakfast for six months to an empty soon.

She showered after breakfast and headed outside. It was late, so she wasn’t worried about accidentally running into her father. But even if it hadn’t been, she’d gotten good at not seeing him when she wanted to be “alone.” Alone used to include Logan, but now it was just her.

The sun was bright and held the promise of summer, but the air was still cold. She dreaded the idea of going back to work for father. She didn’t have to work, exactly, it was just expected that she make something of her life, but how was not clearly defined.

If she didn’t work for her dad, what would she do? Start her own company? Maybe, but what? Start a charity? No. She didn’t want to be one of those women who lives to be seen, dressing up to go everywhere, throwing boring parties and pretending to laugh at every donor’s stupid jokes. Especially the puns.

She’d spent so much of her life preparing to take over her father’s company, she didn’t know what she’d even do if she didn’t do that. Had that changed since Ace was back? She brushed off the imagined slight and decided she didn’t care what he did.

If you could do literally anything, what would you do?

Maybe she was getting ahead of herself. Maybe none of this changed anything, she just need a break. A break and then everything would be back how it was, except now she had a brother back from the dead an no best friend…

~~

Jase: You owe me brunch.

Desiree: I never agreed to that.

Jase: It was implied. Since it’s brunch time now, where do you want go?

Jase: PS. I’m so happy you’re back.

Desiree: PS is for mail. And I don’t know. Anything.

Jase: That’s a dangerous word.

Desiree: I’m intrigued.

Jase: Meet there or should I come get you?

Desiree: I’ll meet you. Not a fan of Uber and Jacob needs something to do with his time. We’ll pick you up at the park downtown.

Jase: Be there in five.

Desiree: It’s going to be more like 30 for me but you do you.

[526]

[Free]

Jase was shaking his head and muttering to himself when Desiree’s Tesla X pulled up to the curb. The car was still new and smelled of real leather, no gross dealership fragrance needed.

She rolled down the window and yelled, “Hey Sexy, want a ride?”

A smile instantly formed on his lips as he made his way toward the car.

“Sunshine!” He climbed and gave her a side hug. “This makes twice in two weeks. To what do I owe the pleasure?” He fasted his belt in the seat next to hers.

Desiree laughed. “We literally made plans only a few minutes ago.”

“Right.”

“What’s the matter with you?”

Jase glanced at Jacob in the driver’s seat and then out the window. “Nothing. Business. Don’t worry about it.”

Desiree was tempted to tell him that Jacob had been with her family for nearly a decade and knew how to mind his own business.

Jase kept staring out the window. At one point, he rolled his shoulders in an exaggerated fashion. Desiree texted Jacob to drop them off at home. The smile was still plastered to Jase’s face as the elevator ascended to the penthouse.

She waited until her apartment door was locked before speaking.

“So…what’s wrong with you?”

Jase glanced around the room. No one was visible. Didn’t mean no one was here, but the illusion was nice.

“This is not a restaurant,” he said.

“Bravo.” When he didn’t say anything right away, Desiree asked again, “Seriously, what’s wrong with you?”

"Aren't you sweet. It's fine. I'm fine."

"Whatever, liar."

Jase sighed. “I don’t talk about my clients.”

“So it’s a client.”

“No.”

“But you just said¬–”

“I would never work with anyone like that.” He shuddered.

“Oh my god. What could someone possibly have asked for that would weird you out? I bet you get all kinds of freaky requests, Vice.” Desiree leaned against the kitchen counter toward him. His nickname was Vice because he could get all of them, for a price.

“This never leaves this room.”

“Obviously.”

“Someone asked for a child and not in the adoption sense.”

“Gross.” Desiree pulled her cheeks back and stuck her tongue out, disgusted. “Are you turning him in?”

Jase smiled, a real one this time. “Of course not. That’s bad for business. If word got out I snitched on my clients, I wouldn’t have any.” His smile grew. “But now, I have a nice addition to my blackmail files, should I ever need it.”

“Must be someone good.” Desiree really wanted to ask who, but she knew he’d never tell her, even if he’d refused to do business with that person.

“You have no idea.” He winked at her. “Enough shop talk. I was promised brunch. Are you making it or are you rolling the dice with my culinary expertise?”

“You’re not curious why I’m not at work at,” Desiree glanced at the microwave, “Two in the afternoon.”

“I know why you’re not at work.”

“Cocky.”

“Another reason you love me.”

Desiree laughed. “I’ll have someone make us apple buckwheat crepes.”

“Sounds good.”

It was better this way. She hadn’t really wanted to tell him the whole awful truth about her family, had she? She’d never even told Logan, so how could she tell Jase?

She texted their order to Jacob.


It was different, sure. She and Jase had never been as close. She wasn’t entirely sure she’d actually ever mentioned where her mom or brother were. She wasn’t even sure he knew there was a brother to miss. But maybe he’d seen some photos once? He had an eye for detail. It came in handy with his job.

She sat on the couch in her living room. Jase sat next to her. It was nice to have someone there. She thought again about telling him, just so someone would know what she was going through, but the words stuck in her throat.

“You’re missing out,” Jase said.

“On what?”

“My amazing culinary acumen.”

“I think your exact word for it was ‘dangerous.’ Maybe I didn’t want to risk it today.”

“And here I thought nothing scared Desiree Storm.”

[678]

[Free]

Desiree ran a finger over the spines of the books in her living room. Some were well-worn old friends from lifetimes past. Others were so new they’d never been read.

She’d always had someone there whenever she’d needed or even wanted someone to be. But now, all she could think about was that from her seemingly endless contact list of family friends, business associates and even some celebrities, there was no one whom she could call right now.

Okay, maybe that wasn’t entire true. Jase had never ignored her calls, but she didn’t want to replace Logan with Jase. Partly because no one could replace him and partly for the same reason not even Logan was Logan to her anymore. Destiny wasn’t the right word, but she didn’t believe she was meant to have anyone held that closely. She’d survived the disappearance of her mom and Ace and she would survive this too.

She picked up a worn copy of Anne of Green Gables. If things could be that simple… She shoved back into place and picked up Ringer by Lauren Oliver. About five paragraphs in, she decided it had been too long since she’d read Replica to understand what was going on. She put Ringer back and pulled Replica up on her phone because she was sure she’d left it at the family estate.

Dad: I have been more than patient.

Desiree would have thrown her book across the room, had she been holding one. She changed into workout clothes, shoved her phone into her pocket and slammed the door on her way out.

How dare he. She glared through everyone she passed in the lobby. Nobody even attempted to engage her in conversation. Her long strides carried her to the door and out into the street.

The second she touched concrete, she started running. She wasn’t paying attention to the direction, just the feel of each step, the sound of the city, the bad taste his text had left. With each step, she forced his words out of her head and drown out all the things she’d love to scream at him with the pounding of her heart.

Her dad hadn’t always been like this. He’d been kind once, the absolute best dad. She’d been looking for him ever since, but it had been such a long time since she’d seen him. She knew he loved her, in his own way. She knew he cared. This was probably his way of telling her she needed to move past whatever was going on do normal stuff, like actually show up to work so things could go back to “normal.” Maybe. Maybe he was just an ass.

[454]

[Free]

“I’d like to introduce our newest board member.” Ray set Desiree down in front of his colleagues. She wore a sapphire dress and stood like she owned the room. Because she did. Her father had purchased a line of children’s clothing for her when she expressed interest in fashion.

To their credit, the other board members didn’t laugh, only smiled at the girl would couldn’t be older than seven who was now seated in the spot of honor at the head of the table.

“I want clothes that sparkle,” she said, fingers clasped on the table in front of her.

“Sparkle?” one man looked incredulously at Ray. Ray raised an eyebrow at him from behind Desiree and the man shrunk back into his chair.

“Sequins? Rhinestones? Glitter?” a woman asked, her tone neutral.

“You know what would be cool?” Desiree bounced in her chair and leaned forward. “If we made dress with girl’s birthstone on them!”

“I’m not sure that financially feasible, the average consumer–” another board member chimed in. Ray’s gaze could have leveled a building. “B-but on the other hand, we could make a limited edition line of girl’s party dress for our most exclusive clientele. And perhaps another line for the average consumer with less…sophisticated tastes.”

Desiree beamed. Behind her, Ray smiled.

“I’ll get some designs for you to go over later this week,” the woman who’d asked what kind of sparkle said.

Desiree pushed her chair back from the table and said, “That will be all,” before dancing out of the conference room. She turned back around. “Are you coming, Daddy? I think we’ve earned lunch!”

“That we have.” Ray’s eyes sparkled as he reached down and picked up Desiree, swinging her around and carrying her out of the office.

At lunch, sitting in the spring sunshine, Ray had said, “I’m proud of you, Desiree. You owned the room.”

“That’s because you bought it,” Desiree said, wrinkling her nose.

Ray laughed, “Yes, I did. But I didn’t show up with the ideas. You did. And you carried yourself well. Don’t ever let anyone tell you can’t do something. I believe in you. As long as you believe in yourself, that’s all you need.” He winked at her.

She winked back, then stuck her tongue out at him. He did the same. They laughed.

Those dresses sold out in the first month of production. They were stunning and socialite moms with little better to do than parade their daughters around town as trophies bought them up as fast as they came out. It helped that the line was attached to the Storm name, but the dresses were a big hit in their own right.

[448]

[Free]

”I resign.” Desiree stood in front of her father’s wooden desk. It was like an ocean between them, but heavy and impenetrable.

“Formal resignations are submitted in writing.” He didn’t even look up from his computer.

She slid a piece of paper across the desk.

He put his hand on it and moved it until it fell off his desk and landed in the trash, then went back to his computer.

“You’re being childish,” she said, sliding another copy onto his desk.

This time, he looked at her. “Desiree, you will not speak to me that way. I don’t care how old you are.”

Well, it’s true. “Consider this my formal resignation.”

“I don’t have time for games today. There’s a big merger coming up, which you would know about if you ever showed up for work.” His tone was icy, but she knew he’d never have talked to anyone else like that. Someone else would have just been fired. Done. No tears. No anger. Just gone. Onto the next thing.

“I’m serious, Ra–”

He gave her a look.

“¬–Dad.” She’d taken to calling him Rayburn behind his back, mostly to Logan, but this was the first time she’d ever said it to his face. He just didn’t feel like her dad. He hadn’t now for a long time.

“I know I should have told you about your brother.”

“You didn’t think I’d want a relationship with him too?” She bit her lip. It was more than she’d wanted to say. That’s not the only reason…

He sighed. He rubbed his eyes with one hand. He suddenly looked very old, older than she’d ever seen him. There was more gray in his hair than she’d ever noticed before, more lines on his face.

“Desiree, it’d had been such a long time since I’d seen my son, my only son.”

That’s not exactly sorry, but it was as close as she’d probably get. The burning came back to her throat. Ace was wanted. He’d tried to call her a few times since she’d seen him in here, but she’d sent the calls to voicemail.

“What about me? Everyone’s so busy fighting over Ace–”

“It was hard for me…when your mother…” He cleared his throat. “She’d intended to take both of you, you know.”

Desiree’s heart rate picked up. What? Her mouth opened slightly.

“I fought for you. I knew you didn’t want to be around her after what she did, and… I-I couldn’t lose both of you.” He swallowed hard. “Desiree, I don’t know what’s been going on with you lately, but I never meant to hurt you.”

Desiree closed the gap between them and wrapped her arms around him. He returned her hug for a moment, then pulled away.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll be filing this in the circular file. Take the rest of the week. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“You don’t have a big meeting somewhere halfway across the world?” she teased.

“No, we’ll have dinner…the three of us.” He smiled at her. She returned it.

Maybe not everything is broken afterall.

[518]

[Free]

It’s funny how when you think you’re about to get the thing you’ve been wanting for as long as you can remember, how hard it is to that that last step. It was Monday, the big day, only 30 minutes from her “family dinner” and she wasn’t even dressed. No, she was standing in her closet, staring at her clothes and wondering if she’d made an error in judgment. Nothing changes over night.

She was all too happy to have something else to focus on when her phone rang.

“Thank God you finally answered! Baby, I know I’ve made some mistakes, but we can work this out.”

“What the hell, Jase?!”

“I’ve sent you flowers–”

“No you haven’t, and since when does that mean you own me?”

“And even the latest album from your favorite artist, the one that hasn’t even been released yet,” Jase continued as if she hadn’t spoken. “Say you’ll meet me? At least for one dinner? I’ll even pay this time, I promise.”

“I don’t know what weird fantasy you’re living out right now, but I have plans.”

“Baby, don’t turn your back on us!”

“See, this is what happens when sample your own product, Jase.”

“Oh that’s amazing! I’ll see you in 10 minutes! You won’t regret it!”

“What part of, ‘I have plans’ was unclear?”

“I love you, Baby. Bye.”

“Call me ‘baby’ one more time–” He hung up before she could finish her threat. What. The. Hell.

~

“You were amazing.” Jase had actually knocked this time.

“Are you high?”

He laughed. “Of course not. Sampling your own product cuts into profit margins and sets a bad example for my employees.” He shut the door behind him.

“You have employees?”

“In a matter of speaking,” he said absently as brushed aside the gauzy cream window covering and glanced at the street below. “I forgot how tall this building is. You can’t actually see anything from here.”

“That’s kind of the point.” Desiree placed one finger on his face, turning him to face her. “Don’t. Ever. Call. Me. Baby.”

He grinned and held up his hands in surrender. “You got it, Princess.”

Desiree sighed loudly. “Are you going to explain what you’re doing here?”

He paused for a moment, then said, “No.”

“Ok-ay. Well, as I said on the phone, I have plans.”

“Yeah, you might want to be a little late.”

“I’m already late.”

“Great! An hour more won’t make a difference.”

Desiree thought of her dad and Ace sitting at the restaurant without her, bonding, reconnecting. Though, they’d already been doing some of that…but this would be different, right? This time it’d be the three of them.

“Earth to Dez!”

Desiree looked up at Jase, who was waving a hand in front of her face.

“I’ll bite it off.”

“Ooo.. I’d like that. But now’s not the time.”

“What are you doing here, Jase? You can’t pretend that was a normal conversation. Since when do you beg?”

He forced a laugh. “No, you’re right, that isn’t my style.”

Someone knocked on the door. Desiree started toward it, but Jase grabbed her.

“Don’t answer it.”

“What is wrong with you?” She pulled herself free and opened the door.

Standing there, looking sheepish was Ace.

Jase let out a huge sigh of relief and got himself a drink from living room bar.

“Hey…” Ace said, looking from her to Jase. “I hope I didn't come at a bad time, I just wanted to catch you before…”

“What’s up?” She forced a smile to her face and summoned a level of uncharacteristic cheerfulness that normally made her gag.

“You don’t have to pretend, Dez.”

“Pretend?”

“I know you don’t want me there tonight.”

She let his comment hang in the air for a long moment. She was very tempted to tell him to leave, that she wasn’t coming to dinner because seeing him, standing in her living room was like looking at a ghost.

“You abandoned me.” Surprise flashed across her face before she could stop it.

Something clattered in the kitchen. She ignored Jase.

“I was just a kid, Dez! Like you, I didn’t have a say in what happened.”

“I supposed you didn’t have a say either when you turned 18 and conveniently left me out–”

“How dare you.” His face was all hard lines. “You can pretend you’re a victim here, if you want, but you have no idea what life has been like for me.” He swallowed hard. “Come to dinner or don’t, I’ll see you there.”

He slammed the door on his way out.

A moment later, there was another knock on the door. Desiree opened it, bracing for more harsh comments from Ace, but it wasn’t Ace.

“I see the happy couple have made up.” The man had gray hair, lightly greased back neatly against his head. Two large men accompanied him.

It was hard to read the expression on Jase’s face as he glanced from Desiree to the man shaking her hand. There was something in the air, though. Something bad.

[846]

[Free]

“Ms. Storm, your reputation precedes you.” The man with the gray hair had placed both of his hands around one of hers. He spoke smoothly, slowly, a man without hurry.

Jase stepped between them, forcing the man to drop her hand.

“Actually, she wouldn’t take me back,” he said before Desiree could respond. His face looked sad, but he shrugged. “Apparently, I’m not her type.” Looking at her, he said, “Which would have been good to know before I went through all the trouble to get you that album, by the way.”

Desiree glared at Jase.

“So, as you can see, my business is finished here, let’s continue our discussion in a more private location, like the park.” Jase gestured for them to follow him out the door.

The man surveyed Desiree’s apartment.

“You have a lovely home, Ms. Storm.”

“Thank you,” Desiree said without emotion. Looking to Jase, she barked, “Get out, Vice.” She crossed her arms.

A look of hurt faced briefly across his face, real or affected, it was hard to tell.

“Sorry to have bothered you, Ms. Storm, but it was good to meet you.”

“Likewise.” She smiled back, closing the door as the four of them headed for the elevator. Jase walked behind him. He glanced back at her and mouthed, “Sorry,” quickly, before making a big show of pushing the elevator button and engaging them in conversation.

With her door closed, all Desiree could think about was Jase. There was definitely something very wrong.

[257]

[Free]

Desiree: You okay?

Jase: Sweet of you to ask, but you’ve done enough damage. Leave a few scraps for the next girl?

Desiree shoved her phone back in pocket. He was being weird again.

Guess I don’t have any more excuses...

She changed and had Jacob drop her off at the restaurant. Maybe she was being paranoid, it looked like one of the cars had followed her here. She brushed off the thought and braced for impact.

“You made it!” Her father looked genuinely happy to see her. “Ace wasn’t sure if you were coming.”

She couldn’t admit this out loud, but this was a dream she never though would she’d have. One she never let herself think about. It actually wasn’t until she sat down that she realized just how she’d be waiting for this moment.

They ordered, talked like old times. Ace teased like he used to. She teased him right back. It was almost like the years between them never existed.

“I wasn’t going to tell you this tonight, but I’m engaged.”

Desiree stared at her brother. “No.”

“Yes.” He laughed. “I honestly can’t believe it either!” He paused then, “I know you’ll like, Desi. She’s amazing.”

“She’d have to be,” she said. “She snagged you.”

He smiled back at her. There was an unspoken thank you.

Desiree was proud of herself. A big part of her had wanted to sabotage this whole night, but she let things be normal. And it felt good.

~

Someone grabbed her arm. Through the dark, she lashed out. Her foot connected with something solid and it groaned. She turned on the light.

Jase.

He was hunched over, but she could still see the purple and red on his face.

“What the hell, Jase?”

“I’m so sorry about earlier,” he said.

When she didn’t say anything, he said, “I had no idea they’d follow me and if they did, I figured there was no way they’d get past the security in this building...”

“You used me.”

“Oh please, like you weren’t about to do that the other night.” He winked at her.

She crossed her arms. “You’re in over your head, Jase.”

“How the hell would you know? You know nothing of my business.” He looked angry. In the dim light, his injuries stood out. At least the ones she could see.

“Anyway, I thought you should know I won’t be by for a while.”

“You’re breaking up with me for real?” She affected a hurt expression.

He forced a laugh, “I’m serious, Sunshine. It’s gonna be a while before you hear from me.” He took her hand and made an attempt to kneel, winced and remained standing, “But just know, I’ll always love you.”

“You’re a goofball.” She laughed.

He didn’t.

“What are you not telling me?”

He sighed. “This is not a conversation we can have.”

“Because it about your ‘business?’l

“In case you could tell from appearance, these guys don’t mess around.”

“Well, thanks for waking me up. Totally worth it,” she said sarcastically.

“I’m always worth it.”

“I’m not afraid of those guys, Jase.”

“I am.” No hint of sarcasm. “I could never forgive myself if you got mixed up in this. So take care, okay?”

“Like you could stay away.” She was grasping at straws. It was hard to believe the one person besides her family she hadn’t alienated was abandoning her for reasons she had no control over.

She wanted him to laugh, but he was quiet. She didn’t like serious Jase. She hadn’t known he had it in him.

He gave her a hug and turned to leave.

“Wait.”

He looked back at her.

“I’ll pretend to be your girlfriend,” she said quickly before she could change her mind.

“Like hell you will.”

“I’m serious.”

“So am I.” He sighed. “Desiree, you were never part of the plan, okay? I was trying to get away from those guys...and...”

The image of him walking to the elevator with them flashed through her mind. He’d gone with them. Intentionally. To get them away from her, knowing it’d end the way it did.

“And I’m sorry,” he finished. “God, you have no idea how sorry I am. But hanging around me’s not safe right now. Maybe I’ll see you around next year.”

“But, you obviously had a plan, right? You came all the way out here,” she said.

He winced. “Yes, a plan I very clearly did not think all the way through. God, Desiree, your building suddenly has an opening for a doorman, as of tonight. Don’t you get it?”

There was a sharp intake of breath as she thought about what that meant.

He looked tired and somehow older than he had earlier that night.

She could bear to see another person walk out of her life right now. She grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to her, like she could keep him safe with her presence.

“Stay,” she said.

He closed his eyes. “I can’t.”

“You’re exhausted.”

She pulled him into bed anyway and he didn’t fight her. She curl up next to him, but it reminded her too much of Logan so she rolled away from him. But she didn’t fight him off when he moved in behind her.

He fell asleep almost instantly and she wriggle a bit away from him when he did. She had to admit, it was nice not being alone for once.

[Free]

Desiree woke to sunlight streaming through her bedroom window.

What the hell? She groaned. Her staff knew better. Last night came crashing back to her.

Jase.

She looked over, but he was gone. She got up and closed the drapes, then wandered into the kitchen.

Jase was leaning against the counter, his face close to Desiree’s cook. Is he flirting with her? To her credit, Desiree’s cook seemed to be walking the delicate line between minding her own business and politely listening to a guest.

Jase’s face was puffy, swollen and bruised in places, but he looked like he’d taken a shower. His smile brightened when he saw her.

“Good morning, Sunshine!”

The cook gaped at him, mouth open. Nobody but Jase would dare call her something like that. Jase seemed not to notice. Desiree chucked as the cook when back to her work.

By the time Desiree dropped into one of the bar stools in front of an enormous kitchen island, a cup of spiced vanilla latte sat waiting for her.

“You have to teach me how you do that,” Jase said, watching. “That’s the kind of magic I could get used to!”

Desiree snorted.

“Shhh,” she said, resting her head on the counter. “It’s too early... I thought you were leaving anyway.”

Jase beamed.

“I think I’m gonna stay here, it’s nice here,” he said, sipping his own cup of coffee.

“Thought it wasn’t safe.”

“Well, I’m reasonably certain they haven’t figured out where I am yet, and...I may or may not have replaced the entire security staff in this building...”

It was then that Desiree noted the strange man standing by her front door.

“No,” she said.

“What? That’s Jeff. He’s the best. Maybe even my favorite.” He said “my favorite” loud enough for the whole room to hear.

“Get him out of here,” she said.

“You can’t be serious...”

Desiree gave Jase a look that had sent members of her father’s staff scurrying to other parts of the house.

“Dez, you have so many people here, what difference does one more make?” He asked.

“Everyone in my staff has been with my family a long time. I choose who works in my house, not you.” Without gazing up from her coffee, she called out, “That will be all, Jeff.”

When she didn’t hear her door open, she glanced over. Jeff was stoicly staring ahead of him without moving. She clenched her jaw. “I will call the police!” At this, Jeff turned his head toward Jase.

“Okay okay okay,” he said quickly. “Jeff, please wait outside the door-“

“No,” Desiree said.

Jase sighed. “By the elevator.” This time, Jeff left. Turning to Desiree, he said, “Happy?”

“Yeah, I love strangers watching every person that comes through my door,” she said sarcastically.

Jase ran a hand through his hair and sat on the edge of the kitchen island.

“Damn, you’re cranky in the morning!”